Season 5

It's Roger's 1600th birthday, but the Smiths are too freaked out by Steve's impending puberty to celebrate. So Roger decides to make his own birthday fun.

Roger plays detective to track down a case of what he suspects is identity theft. Meanwhile, the Smith family gets sucked into a mean game of Simon Says.

Bullock makes Stan his "No. 1" at the CIA, a promotion that makes the furious Francine the "No. 1" babysitter for Bullock's baby son. Bullock needs someone to watch the kid because his wife's been kidnapped by Iraqi insurgents.

Stan learns that Francine was engaged to another man before she met him, and tracks the guy down to size him up. Meanwhile, Steve can't stay away from a schizophrenic cat that literally has nine lives.

Steve plots revenge after girlfriend Debbie loses a very dirty election for class president. But it backfires badly.

Hayley goes on a rampage after her boyfriend breaks up with her, but she calms down when she begins dating Stan's CIA body double, Bill. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger get jobs separating male and female chicks at a Chinatown hatchery.

Stan emcees a CIA telethon to raise funds for the agency's torture budget after Congress slashed it. But Roger is out to sabotage it because Stan stole the idea for it from him.

When Steve suffers indignities in school because of the back brace he must wear for his scoliosis, Stan confides in him that he wears a wig to cover his baldness. Meanwhile, Roger invites both Francine and Hayley to a posh spa even though he has only two passes.

Stan is ecstatic--and energetic--when a coworker gives him pills that allow him to stay up all night.

The Smiths catch Roger spending time with another family--and it turns out that he has been a family "cheater" for decades.

When Langley Falls bans trans fats, Stan and Steve become smugglers. Meanwhile, Klaus gets word that he has received an inheritance but can't collect it because the CIA has turned him into a fish.

When Stan forgets to pick up grenadine at the grocery store, Roger goes ballistic and vows to get him back by taking over a project close to his heart--the Homeowner’s Association.

Steve connects with his ne'er-do-well paternal grandfather, whom Stan despises for many reasons, not the least of which is that he never taught him to ride a bike. Meanwhile, Hayley must find an internship quickly, so Roger hires her to tend his bar.

Steve and his friends sabotage a stuck-up kid's bar mitzvah after the kid hits on Steve's girlfriend, Debbie. But when Snot is wrongly accused of stealing the kid's bar-mitzvah money, his own bar mitzvah is put in jeopardy.

Stan is kidnapped in Colombia, but the real trouble begins after he's released and returns home. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger play detective duo "Wheels and the Legman."

Steve and Stan, who don't have much in common, try to bond on a road trip to Albuquerque in search of a pair of the distinctive DeLorean doors to complete a car that Stan has been building. Meanwhile, Roger, Hayley and Francine decide to have an adventure of their own, but they can't decide what to do.

Steve joins a football team to please Stan, who then takes over as coach and gives Steve the boot because he isn't good enough. Meanwhile, Francine and Hayley vie for a blue ribbon at the county fair.

Roger declares that he was sent to Earth to be "the decider" of humanity's fate, and Stan challenges him on it.

Francine and Stan swap spouses with their gay neighbours Terry and Greg when Terry's dad, a former football player who doesn't know that his son is gay, arrives for a visit. Meanwhile, Steve goes on a drunken bender.

Stan leaves Francine at home to go out with the boys, but guys' night out goes from wild to reckless when Stan finds himself in one compromising situation after another. Meanwhile, Roger and Hayley use their charm and looks to attract a frat boy.