Season 7

Episodes • 1982

Linda Lavin
Vic Tayback
Beth Howland
Celia Weston
Philip McKeon
Sorry, Wrong Lips

1. Sorry, Wrong Lips

30 min

Debbie Reynolds plays an actress whose torrid memoirs convince Mel he's the one she remembers as the greatest kisser in her life.

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Do You Take . . . ?

2. Do You Take . . . ?

30 min

Mel tries to outdo an old buddy who shows up boasting a track record of fast living and sporting a blonde on his arm as proof.

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The Secret of Mel's Diner

3. The Secret of Mel's Diner

30 min

There's gold in them there walls, or so Mel reckons after learning that the eccentric who built his diner left $20,000 stashed in another building.

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Alice at the Palace

4. Alice at the Palace

30 min

Joel Grey offers his services gratis as the leading man in a musical revue bankrolled by Mel and featuring Alice. Mel, however, has never heard of Grey and gives the role to his bookie.

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Joel Grey Saves the Day

5. Joel Grey Saves the Day

30 min

Joel Grey walks out after producer Mel turns a revue about New York into a desert musical with tunes like ""Two Tootsies from Tucson"" and ""Ramona from Arizona.""

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Alice's Turkey of a Thanksgiving

6. Alice's Turkey of a Thanksgiving

30 min

Alice's meddlesome mother knocks the stuffing out of her daughter's Thanksgiving dinner.

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Carrie on the Rebound

7. Carrie on the Rebound

30 min

Carrie is slow to come out of a depression after a quickie divorce.

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Jolene's Brother Jonas

8. Jolene's Brother Jonas

30 min

Jolene's brother pays a surprise visit, but the surprise is on him, he gets an icy reception from his sister.

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Alice Sees the Light

9. Alice Sees the Light

30 min

Everyone takes with a grain of salt Alice's claim that she saw a UFO.

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Vera the Virtuoso

10. Vera the Virtuoso

30 min

Vera, whose cello playing can reduce a virtuoso to tears, is asked to play in a local string quartet.

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Alice Faces the Music

11. Alice Faces the Music

30 min

The waitresses pit their musical knowledge against that of three plumbers on a TV quiz show.

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Tommy, the Jailbird

12. Tommy, the Jailbird

30 min

Alice fears that freshman Tommy is abusing his new freedom away from home by majoring in extracurricular activities.

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Jolene and the Night Watchman

13. Jolene and the Night Watchman

30 min

Jolene can't bring herself to bruise the tender feelings of a bruiser who saved her life and now considers her his girl.

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Mel's Dream Car

14. Mel's Dream Car

30 min

Mel is stripping his gears over his jazzy new Porsche he purchased for a measly $20.

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Come Back Little Sharples

15. Come Back Little Sharples

30 min

Mel has had it up to his keister with the way things are going so he absconds to his apartment for a beer and pizza binge.

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Vera, the Torch

16. Vera, the Torch

30 min

Vera wishes her landlady the worst for evicting her pets then feels responsible when the old crank's apartment catches on fire.

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The Grass is Always Greener

17. The Grass is Always Greener

30 min

In role reversals, Mel becomes an employee by accepting an executive position with a catering firm, and the waitresses become owners by buying his diner.

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Tommy Fouls Out

18. Tommy Fouls Out

30 min

Afraid that he's lost the ""right stuff,"" Tommy quits the basketball team.

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Vera on the Lam

19. Vera on the Lam

30 min

After Mel decides to have the waitresses bonded, Vera owns up to a criminal past and takes it on the lam.

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Mel's Cousin Wendy?

20. Mel's Cousin Wendy?

30 min

To steal a competitor's secret sauce recipe, Mel persuades his cousin to pose as a woman and apply for a job as a Burger Baby.

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Sweet Erasable Mel

21. Sweet Erasable Mel

30 min

Mel's experiment with a computer goes well until Vera enters a transaction and erases every trace of Mel's financial existance.

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Tommy Hyatt, Business Consultant

22. Tommy Hyatt, Business Consultant

30 min

Using Tommy's marketing advice, Mel increases his business but also learns he's heading for bankruptcy.

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Jolene Lets the Cat Out of the Bag

23. Jolene Lets the Cat Out of the Bag

30 min

Jolene's hair is standing on end with a cat burglar prowling her neighborhood.

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